Orion Music + More – Saturday Music Preview Orion Music + More – Saturday Music Preview

In a few days, I’ll be on a cramped Greyhound Bus riding to Atlantic City for what I have been casually (lazily, really) referring to as Metallicalooza (because I’m bad with portmanteaus and puns) but is, in fact, contractually known as The Orion Music + More Festival (named for the epic instrumental track off of Master of Puppets and, you know, the constellation or whatever) and – for many reasons that don’t that don’t totally involve me devolving to that terribly fat and sexually stymied teenage twat I was when I first found the power of a Marshall Stack gave me royal charge of “FUCK YOU!” forever and ever, amen – I’m pretty fucking stoked.

But I’m not feeling like much of an intro today so let’s just suffice to say that Metallica has taken over an abandoned airfield somewhere west of nowhere in AC (though hopefully not too far from the infamous Bare Exposure that sparked a series of bachelor party incidents that ushered a tick to my balls) and, this weekend, will be hosting a fuckload of bands across four stages with all sorts of other maximally radical ephemera that should help us all forget that we’re in New Jersey.

Today, we’re going to talk about who all is playing on Saturday and we’ll do it stage by stage.

(named after a track off of St. Anger which contains the lyric “My lifestyle/Determines my deathstyle” – this is the eclectic stage)

1:15 – 2:00 – Wooden Shjips – Spacey kinda psych drone that’s so chill it’s almost soporific even with the random noise tantrums that pock their tracks now and then. I hear Jim Jarmusch loves them almost as much as he loves cigarettes and the untenable wilds of his white hair. It’s kinda nice, actually. Are you surprised their name annoys me?

2:45 – 3:30 – Roky Erickson – Being a lunatic isn’t actually all that pretty. Take note, kids. You want to stay laid, work on your mental stability. That’s not fair. Roky Erickson is a legend in many ways. Defining a unique breed of American jug psych with the 13th Floor Elevators, getting all sci fi paranoid fantasy as a solo artists for YEARS and then return after a stint in a mental health facility with a devastating record with Okkervil River. I’m not sure what he’s been up to lately. This will either rock like fuck or be totally devastating.

3:45-4:15 – Don Jamieson – Comedy. I really need to get it.

4:15-5:15 – Jim Breuer Heavy Metal Comedy Tour – Don’t know if this is just the dude from Half Baked or some manner of review. See above.

5:15-5:45 – Jim Florentine – Metal comedian. Part of VH1’s That Metal Show and a, once, recurring guest on Crank Yankers. Here’s his bit on pissing and molestation.

6:00-6:45 – Hot Snakes – I’m pretty confident that, by the end of this year, I will have seen Hot Snakes more since they reformed than I did on all the tours they took through NYC during their actual inception. No complaints. The older they get, the fiercer they sound. Not metal in a leather stud way but they WILL melt your fucking face.

(named after my favorite fucking Metallica track which they’d better fucking play or Ima erase all Lars’ Picassos – this is the metalest of stages)

1:00-1:45 – Black Tusk – There are a lot of “Black” metal bands currently making the shouting beard rounds. They’re all tough as fuck. Black Tusk is from Georgia and play a well-honed albeit marginally unhinged stoner thrash. I think I’m interviewing them.

2:30-3:15 – Letlive – Screamy post hardcore with shrillism, quaffed hair and chest rockers. I am interested to learn if I will get into it or totally fucking hate them.

3:45-4:30 – Kyng – Notey Southern tiered metal trio with an affection for Chris Cornell before all those dreaded vocal lessons and a series of unexpectedly brutal fills. Too sustainable to be my cup of tea.

5:15-6:00 – Red Fang – I am definitely interviewing these guys and I don’t want to talk about anything other than pizza and beer with them. I think I thought KARP sounded a lot like this but they didn’t. Did they? How’s Big Business doing these days?

6:45-7:30 – Suicidal Tendencies – Dude. I am suuuuuper apprehensive about this. I grew up in LA where Suicidal where banned for years because vatos would just show up and start handing out Colombian neckties or…something. I don’t know. Mike Muir’s still pretty terrifying. I haven’t owned a Suicidal record since the early nineties. Please, please, PLEASE let this be amazing.

(named after the Metallica song that Avril Lavigne covered and made us all very sad – this is the rockish stage)

2:00-3:00 – The Sword – I wish this band had an exclamation in their name. Or do I think they’re Goblin Cock? Dragonforce? None of the above. Man, dope must have been AWESOME in the 70s. I sure do love their porno.

4:00-5:00 – Fucked Up – Epic, obtuse intellectualized hardcore from Canada. I’m still not sold on their entire oeuvre but I listen to David Comes to Life at least twice a week. I know of, at least, two people who are attending the festival just to see this band play. They’ll slay.

6:00-7:00 – Cage the Elephant – I hated their first record, was shit hot for the second one which ripped off everything I loved about the Pixies without making me feel like Steve Albini knew I was secretly a dick. Saw them live once and they were pretty amazing.

8:00-9:00 – Arctic Monkeys – Arctic Monkeys have been around for ten years? Well, fuck me runnin’.

(the aforementioned instrumental from Master of Puppets from which this festival derives it’s name – this is the big boy stage)

1:00-2:00 – Baroness – I’ve been trying to determine how I feel about Baroness for a while now. I want to enjoy them on some manner of principle that I have yet to identify but…I don’t know. I think I just want them to be less Mastodon and more Kylesa. Fucking prog, dude. Metal killer.

3:00-4:00 – Lucero – Hard luck whiskey from Memphis, Tennessee that’s been picking tear-stained butts from the curb since 1998. Grayed by country. Punk tattooed. Beards, Broads and Broken Hearts. I anticipate them ramping their shit up for Metallica but many, many of their songs are pretty lonesome, indeed.

5:00-6:00 – The Gaslight Anthem – Damn. I blink once and this band is fucking huge. That’s cool. If you’re going to tame Against Me! through the American dream of Bruce Springsteen you should be as big as you can be. Expect some serious shout alongs.

7:00-8:00 – Modest Mouse – I don’t understand the appeal of this band at all and I have been known to confuse them with my strident dislike of Death Cab for Cutie and/or The Decemberists (seriously, though…fuck those guys). Is Johnny Marr still playing with them to spit Morissey? I’m looking forward to being pleasantly surprised.

9:00-11:00 – Metallica – HOLY FUCKING SHIT! METALLICA IS PLAYING ALL OF RIDE THE LIGHTNING!!! I, like many men who found metal in their youth, have had a bit of a hard time swallowing some of the later days of one of the biggest bands in the world. Still and all, this album is a fucking landmark in the halls of all that is fast and rough and bleak and triumphant and is going to lay some pretty effective waste to all the art and artists doomed to play before it. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! FIGHT FIRE WITH FIIIIIIIIRE!!!!

2 Responses about “Orion Music + More – Saturday Music Preview”

  • Atlantic City is a kingdom of old people and the vacationing middle class with a silent gambling problem. It is a strange empire where it costs little to get in but near your life and limb to get out. Punch a slot machine and get ejected from a casino head first. Don’t piss off the mob. Ohh yeah that’s right, things have changed. Don’t piss off the corporate family police. This is a nice town. We don’t want you fucking things up.

  • Charles says:

    No. You’re right. AC is aaaalllll wrong.