The Great GoogaMooga Preview – Food The Great GoogaMooga Preview – Food

Ed. Note – The photos contained in this article have absolutely nothing to do with any of the institutions described herein and should not be construed as any sort of accurate portrayal of their culinary presentation. Charles just thought an article this long needed some pictures so he added pictures. If you can name the one taken in Vegas, he’ll buy you a beer.

Tuesday, we gave you a brief glimmer of the acts that will be musical acts performing at this weekend’s Great GoogaMooga Festival.

Today, we’ll focus on grub.

Now, you should know that I am no foodie. I prefer the finer fixins but if I had my way I would drink bacon doughnut batter every day until I blacked out and woke up ten years later, half dead in bed of fresh Dordognean foie gras.

Totally awesome.

But that’s not going to happen so let’s just focus on the Mooga. What follows is an alphabetical list of who’ll be serving you, what little I know about them and their menus and, of course, what I plan to eat the shit out of.

Sound good?

Chow down.

Anarancini Bros – They serve balls. Sicilian balls. Made of rice and stuffed with everything from salmon to pistachio to ragu and then deep fried and served hot as balls. They’re located in Bushwick and met as roadies.
I plan to eat the shit out of their…um…salty balls?

Baked – A Red Hook bakery that has an alarming amount of good press from the likes of Food and Wine, Bon Appetit, fucking Bobby Flay and has brownies that were considered one of Oprah’s favorite things. Looks pretty decadent, indeed.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Sweet & Salty Tart which features fleur de sel caramel AND chocolate ganache.

Baohaus – Specializing in Taiwanese/Chinese fusion maximum deliciousness, Baohaus, as their name might suggest make bao: a steamed bun stuffed with good, good stuff and eaten in one great, blind bite.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Haus Bao which features all natural Creekstone beef cheek and nothing beats cheek…not even pork belly.

The Big Banana – Fried fish and chocolate covered frozen bananas from two gals from Vinegar Hill. The cute new Rockaway Beach food. MGMT just bought a place there. They don’t have a menu available but I’m going to imagine their food is simple and fatty fun.
I plan to eat the shit out of their batter at 2am.

Big Gay Ice Cream – Is a man without his truck a man at all? I don’t know. My friend Joseph down in Tampa always extends his trips to the city an extra day so he can track down his frozen street delights. I hear they have a shop now.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Bea Arthur but I can’t remember why.

Blue Ribbon – These cats do pretty much everything. Sushi. Sweets. I’m not sure what’s going to be represented at the Mooga but you can bet your sweet ass it’ll be worth every last copper dime.
I plan to eat the shit out of their pretty much everything.

Brindle Room – Time Out voted theirs one of the best burgers in NYC. I’ve never had it which I consider a sin. The rest of their menu looks reasonably seasonal and French…ish?
I plan to eat the shit out of their burger. DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?!?!

Brooklyn Soda Works – Okay, this isn’t food. It’s “handmade, artisanal carbonated juices.” Sounds complicated. At least it’s not bespoke. Probably tasty as hell.
I plan to eat the shit out of their…bubbles?

The Burger Joint – The infamous greasy spoon buried deep in the Parker Meridien. Similarly renowned for having one of the best damn no bullshit burgers in Metropolis if only you can tolerate the seemingly never-ending line. I’ve never.
I plan to eat the shit out of their burger, duh.

Calexico – Hipster tacos that started in a cart and moved on over to Brooklyn a couple of years ago. Not half bad but I was just in Texas and there are actual Mexicans living in Queens making Mexican food, so I’m good.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Frijoles Negros because lord knows I’ll be needing the fiber and it comes with a “crack” sauce.

Char No. 4 – This place has a daunting whiskey menu. The food looks comforting and Southern. Classy but not fussy.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Smoked & Fried Pork Nuggets because my cholesterol is a dick.

Co. – Their website informs visitors that their Chelsea establishment is pronounced “Company” because you are an idiot. They serve up loads of bread and boutique pizza (pronounced “za” because CO!). Looks curious and savory.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Flambe Pie on account of it featuring both béchamel and lardons.

Cookin’ with Coolio – No WAY! Coolio wrote a cookbook? Do juggaloes cook? Think he’s still mad at Weird Al?
I plan to eat the shit out of those braids.

Colicchio & Sons – I am torn on my opinion of Tom Colicchio. On one hand, I have used his turkey recipe every year for six years now. On the other, he kinda seems like a humorless jerk and is known to add unnecessary things to his meals. When he gets it right, though…mmmmmmm.
I plan to eat the shit out of their dish that features the most butter. Collichio knows the sublime nature of butter.

Craft – See above.

Crawfish Monica – I’m not sure who this is but Crawfish Monica that was once relegated to Jazz Fest. It’s a creamy, spicy, garlicky crawfish bonanza. I miss New Orleans.
I plan to eat the shit out of their entire display.

Crif Dogs – This joint’s been around forever. They serve a bevy of wonderfully excessive dogs many of which are wrapped in bacon and deep-fried because there is a God and he is survived by the bellies of swine.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Chihuahua Dog because avocado is the good fat and that makes everything A-OK!

DBGB Kitchen and Bar – Meat explorations from the mastermind behind the much-heralded Daniel. Another place, I hear, has a wicked burger but, looking at their menu, I think I’d do wise to escape the bun for a more ludicrously luscious Franco-Pub experience.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Boudin Basque because the only way to better blood sausage is with pig head.

Dickinson’s Farmstand Meats – Meat. Meat. MEAT!
I plan to eat the shit out of their MEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!

Dinosaur Bar-B-Que – This is purported to be one of the best damn places to get BBQ in the tri-state area. I, woefully, have never been but anyone I know who has even come close enough to sniff their sauce informs me it is like a dream wrapped in pork.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Ribs, man. Ribs.

Dirty Bird to Go – Fried chicken. One of the few places to get it in the city that isn’t Popeye’s and doesn’t come cold from the hands of a grumpy crust kid. Good stuff. Simple, fatty and delicious.
I plan to eat the shit out of their thighs.

Do or Dine – A place for and by those “tired of stumbling home drunk and eating bodega food and crown fried chicken…”
I plan to eat the shit out of their food when I’ve had 13 beers.

DuMont Burger – Another killer burger (best ordered with bacon and gruyere, rare) joint that offers all sorts of other delights. They’ve recently expanded into the world of doughnuts. Mmmmmm. Doughnuts.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Soft Shell Crab Sandwich because eating an entire animal on a bun makes me feel like a man.

Frankie’s 457 Spuntino – Italian for those leery of getting drunk on fatty ragu.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Ricotta, Honey & Provolone Crostini because I am enraged that I don’t make that for myself every day.

Eat Me Sweetly – Pickles and cakes? GENIUS! A husband and wife run this charming little show of locally sourced treats.
I plan to eat the shit out of their S’mores Balls. Balls.

Free Bread – Gluten, Nut, Corn, Soy and Sugar Free Bread, that is. They’re wares actually look pretty delicious.
I plan to eat the shit out of their existing.

Gatherer’s Granola – Homemade, gourmet granola. They offer Chipmunk’s Choice (almonds, peanut butter, maple syrup) and Squirrel Bait (pecans, maple syrup, toasted coconut).
I plan to eat the shit out of their recipe so I can make this shit at home.

Georgia’s Eastside BBQ – Orchard Street has a BBQ place? Sweet.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Ribs because TONY calls them competent and I want to know what the hell a “competent” rib is.

Hill Country Barbecue – I used to live with a girl who worked at this place. Their ribs always looked good until I saw her crying while suckling one. Never. Again. I hear their sides are mighty fine, though.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Campfire Baked Beans w/ Burnt Ends since I’ve missed all my burnt ends recently.

James – Probably not named for that one band that had that one song about getting some back when you were in high school, James is a symbol of Prospect Heights’ bid for gentrification. White people love brunch.
I plan to eat the shit out of their bourgeois guilt.

Joe – Please just be a coffee house. Please just be a coffee house. YES! I love coffee and you’ll need a wicked digestive agent with all the shit you’re going to be eating.
I plan to eat the shit out of their blackest of black espresso grinds just like Balzac used to.

Joe’s Pizza – A good old slice that’s been in NYC forever. No nonsense.
I plan to eat the shit out of their greasy delicious.

Joseph Leonard – I’m not going to lie. After a while all these quaint little Francofusionphilicfuckfest places are really starting to blend. Everything doesn’t need to be a goddamn bistro. I do like that they provide recipes on their site, though.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Confit Pork Banh Mi that is, unfortunately, not named the Zingy Ducky Piggy.

Juice Press – I’m confused. Is this juice or food? Oh, it’s both? Is it all raw and naked and organic and awful? I bet it is. Even if it isn’t, I’ll be goddamned if I’ll ever shell out $10 for a plastic cup of melted celery.
I plan to eat the shit out of their “raw” bones.

Kasadela – Japanese snack food catered to drinking, generally found somewhere between a bar and more substantial fare. Known for their sake as much as their fried wonders, Kasadela is pure octane foods.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Tori Kawa (that’s crispy chicken skin and peppers…BOOSH!).

Katzie Guy-Hamilton of New York Central – Ah, she’s a pastry chef. Works at New York Central at the Grand Hyatt. Didn’t win Top Chef Just Desserts Season 2. Has a very disoriented tumblr.
I plan to eat the shit out of her Rhubarb Tart with almond financier, champagne sabayon and elderflower ice cream because I am one classy bitch.

Kombucha Brooklyn – Kombucha is a fermented tea beverage made with a Symbiotic Culture of Bacteria and Yeast so, you know, it’s alive. I think it’s damn tasty, actually. Supposed to be rich in ancient wisdom and Vitamin C but might turn more than a few people off since it’s a living, frothing, fermented tea and all.
I plan to drink the shit out of their Red Ginger flavor for extra vitality and a nice dose of flush.

Kutsher’s Tribeca – I was beginning to notice the absence of Jewish food at a New York food festival. If the Kutsher name is familiar, that’s because his family owned that country club where they used to throw all tomorrow’s parties. He’ll never be Katz’s.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Chopped Duck and Chicken Liver which I’m hoping is some sort of slaw.

The Lobster Place – Lobsters used to make me cry.
I plan to eat the shit out of my harrowing past.

Landhaus – A nomadic farm fresh sammich stand, I think. I hope all they all talk like Colonel Klink.
I plan to eat the shit out of her Grilled Maple Bacon Stick…am I ever.

La New Yorkina – Mexican sweets. Mostly frozen. Sometimes they have churros. I really hope they have churros or something covered in powdered chili.
I plan to eat the shit out of their churros or whatever features the most powdered chili.

Liddabit Sweets – Okay, all knocking the eating habits of the bespoke young bourgeoisie, Liddabit Sweets is shockingly delicious. Candy. Carmel. Chocolate. Beer. Nuts. All crammed together in an ooey-gooey orgy of palatial sin.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Slurtles featuring beer and pretzel caramel covered and chocolate and occasionally with chips. Sooooooo goddamn good.

Little Muenster – Super fancy grilled cheese, they say. I’m not going to fuck with that. Don’t believe what your Momma told ya. Making grilled cheese is an art of patient excess.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Merguez Sausage/Ricotta Gremolata/Fontina/Fried Capers sammich. Mmmmmmm.

Luke’s Lobster – Lobster rolls. Straight from Maine. Kinda defeats a good chunk of the locavore stink but, whatever. Lobster rolls are delicious.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Lobster Roll, dude.

Maharlika – Filipino food. Expect long lines to try the dubious funk fest that is Balut (a fermented, fully developed chick still in its shell).
I plan to eat the shit out of their Balut and probably regret it.

Maison Premiere – The first house? My French is rusty. This is a classy place that serves a ridiculous amount of Absinthe. Wonder if it’s the good stuff? Probably not. They also have oysters.
I plan to eat the shit out of their wormwood and tell myself about myself through the electric fire of dark matter.

M. Wells – A “renegade” diner in LIC which I always did wonder about and which closed, rather expectedly (thanks, honkies!) in August of last year. Rumor has it they’re back in some strange way, perhaps with steak.
I plan to eat the shit out of whatever they served Kraftwerk.

The Meat Hook – Butcher shop who offer…face bacon?
I plan to eat the shit out of their FACE BACON! YES!

Melt Bakery – The chipwich is dead, friends. Melt bakery killed it.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Lovelet made with cream cheese ice cream and red velvet meltcakes (whatever those are).

Mile End – A Jewish deli completely lacking in corned beef and/or pastrami? The shit is this? BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
I plan to eat the shit out of their Pickled Veal Tongue sammich. Don’t you fucking judge me.

Millefeuille Bakery Café – French bakery. Try the macarons. ALL OF THEM!
I plan to eat the shit out of their macarons so fucking hard.

Momofuku Milk Bar – David Chang can’t fucking lose, man. I know he’s not the chef at Milk Bar (that distinction goes to Christina Tosi) but everything his Momofuku empire touches just turns to angels loving strumming America’s sigmoids. Too much?
I plan to eat the shit out of their cake truffles. Balls.

Mother-In-Law’s Kimchi – It’s kimchi! It’s moms!
I plan to eat the shit out of their filial spices.

Num Pang Sandwich Shop – For a while, everyone I worked with at my old job had an absolute hardon for this Vietnamese sammich shop. I always found it overpriced and underwhelming and won’t eat there because I don’t work at that place anymore.
I plan to eat the shit out of their proximity to my past.

People’s Pops – Communist fruitsicles. There, I said. Now, let my people GO!
I plan to eat the shit out of their pinko hubris.

Porchetta – This joint makes a fine pork sammich. Crispy. Crunchy. Divine. It’s called the Porchetta. Eat it.
I plan to eat the shit out of their porcine skin.

Red Hook’s El Olomega Pupusas – “A pupusa is a tortilla made of corn flour stuffed with various flavors of food. The pupusa is stuffed while forming the round pancake like tortilla.” I didn’t know that. I like learning new things. Pupusas are Salvadoran. Didn’t know that either.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Pupusa with Loroco Flower because what the fuck is that?

Red Rooster – Comfort food at uncomfortable prices. Any man that charges 14 dollars for a fucking split pea soup is out of his goddamn mind.
I plan to eat the shit out of their everything , probably. Mad or not, I love comfort food.

Roberta’s – Pizza. They have other shit but it’s mostly pizza. That’s what brings the love to Bushwick. Sure their blogs may drive T&E cocks through your tired eyes but they do work with Vans and I’m damn fine with that.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Margherita so I can feel like some kinda pie purist.

Russ and Daughters – Now, this place. THIS place is a fucking NYC institution. You want caviar? You want smoked fish? You want bagels? Bialys? Nuts? They have it. Have since friggin’ 1914.
I plan to eat the shit out of their caviar that I can actually afford since it finally doesn’t taste like bait anymore.

Saxelby Cheesemongers – All American cheeses. I love cheese though I shouldn’t since my ass has been lactose intolerant for YEARS but I figure with all the pig and beer I should be fine, right?
I plan to eat the shit out of their gnarliest, stinkiest (preferably sheep or goat’s milk) cheese right before I leave so I can be all extra sexy for my girlfriend.

Seersucker – I have this really foxy vintage Burberry seersucker jacket I bought at a Flea Market in Paris. It will not fit after this. Southern infused, fish leaning menu of fancied down-home delights that would probably make for a hell of a date place.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Hudson Valley Berkshire Pork Belly Confit just because it is.

Simply Chicken by Jean Georges – Jean Georges has pretty much always been the man when it comes to fine fucking dining in NYC. I used to know the sous-chef at his eponymous hallmark. Kid played bass in a grindcore band. Awesome. I don’t know what with the chicken but it’ll be delicious.
I plan to eat the shit out of their food that I can sanely afford.

South Brooklyn Pizza – More pizza! I’m not sure why this place is located in Manhattan and I can’t find any constructive criticism of it that doesn’t make me hate the internet. Soooo, um. Yum?
I plan to eat the shit out of their Garlic Knots for the fuck of it.

Souvlaki GR – YES! I FRIGGIN’ LOVE SOUVLAKI! I live in Astoria, after all. If it ain’t Greek here, it better be Czech or it can go ahead and fuck itself. That’s right! Is this seriously the only Greek place out of 75 vendors? Goddamn racist.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Taramosalata. Salty roe mousse warms my heart.

The Spotted Pig – I blame this place for a lot of things. The first chic gastro pub that really made the waves in NYC. I’ve never been. I like to get my fat on in a place where I don’t have to look at Bono.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Roll Mops? I think that’s pig tails.

Sugarbuilt Cookies – “Artisinal edible works by native New Mexican Amelia Coulter.” Ugh. Have we really come to this? Art as cookie? Am I actually supposed to eat this shit or should I have it shellacked? Goddamnit. I do like the looks of their sugar skulls though.
I plan to eat the shit out of their MFA.

Sullivan St. Bakery – Bread. Good bread. Real good bread.
I plan to eat the shit out of their sammiches, I hope.

Third Rail Coffee – I don’t even care anymore.
I plan to eat the shit out of their last glimpse of my broken will.

Tia Pol – Tapas! Simple Spanish cocktail loving noshes that just make you want to bleed your lifeline dry. Have I been to this place? No? Big surprise. I think this place has a Basque influence. Yep. Lots of x’s.
I plan to eat the shit out of their Txipirones en su Tinta because it’ll be fun to hear pretentious drunks pronounce it.

Vinegar Hill House – I’m going to start going to dinner in the Bronx. I’m sure this place is great. I’ve heard its name a hundred and one times before today but I just don’t fucking care what Brooklyn eats as status anymore. Seriously. I hate you guys. You ruined the neighborhood of my youth and should burn in hell a hundred times over.
I plan to eat the shit out of their tears evaporating in the flames.

Variety Café – Coffee and more? I don’t know. This list is really long. Maybe Variety Café is great and I’m just kind of like this fucking jerk who gets tired and allergies and drinks too much too often and I should probably go and cook the kale before it wilts because wilted kale is shit and I’m surprised to find so many Black Snakes songs on my ITunes and…
I plan to eat the shit out of their dust.

Wooly’s Ice – Shaved ice. Awesome.
I plan to eat the shit out of their cart wheels. Rubber’s yummy. LIFE IS PAIN!



2 Responses about “The Great GoogaMooga Preview – Food”

  • hahaha, this article rules. So much shit. So much eating out. Wait that sounded wrong. I propose we send Charles to food conventions and scan his notes written scrawled cocktail napkins. This pampered chef is about to get crazy weird.

  • Charles says:

    Oh, it’s gettin weird all right…AND FAT!