SXSW (not so) Short List: G-N SXSW (not so) Short List: G-N

BIG_sxsw_2013_logoPart 2, dudes! You still in the mood? Lord knows that I am! I mean. YEAH! WHOOOOOHOOOO!!! Let’s keep with the maximum rock and rolling and seemingly ENDLESS exploring of the SXSW swarm and scrum because if we don’t do it, then who? WHO?!? Exactly. Rockit.

G A L P A L S – Take the Dum Dum Girls early work and strip it of sex and fashion and danger but leave the sunglasses.

G.R.I.T. Boys – Nope. I’m mistaken.

Gap Dream – I’m going to go ahead and assume this band’s name is an allusion to a passage in William S. Burroughs’ “My Education” because that book did a lot for me at a time in my life when I tended to ride the bus WAY more than I should’ve.

The Gar – ROCK CHINA! IT’S A FISH! THE CAPS AND EXCLAMATIONS ARE A BIT MUCH, BUT THIS BAND IS TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE!

The Geeks – The Geeks are not “Atlanta’s Party Rock Heroes” which is a disappointment to be sure because who gives a fuck about hardcore anymore? South Korea.

Gemini Club – Maybelline Music.

Ghost Beach – The internet loves John Cusack.

Ghost to Falco – The desperate hum of a desert highway bleeding down from a bedroom in Portland. Pretty solid, actually.

Ghost Wave – The fine line between nineties twee and reappropriated surf dreams blurs a little in New Zealand.

The Ghosts – I thought the girl would be singing. Does she?

Giant Giant Sand – NOT Giant Sand. Ugh.

Girls Names – There’s a electric pop grind band that stylizes their moniker girlsNames because of these totally adequate dinks.

The Giving Tree Band – Eat a dick.

Gladkill – You too.

Gnarly Charlies – Don’t ever fucking call me that.

The Go – The went.

Goatwhore – WWRHRRHRHRHAAAAUURRHRHHGGGHGHG!!! I think they’re playing on a boat.

Gold Fields – Sympolic electronic pop rock that isn’t from around here. Man, I wish Empire of the Sun was in them. Was them? They were this? Oh, fuck it.

Golden Bear – Sure. Why not?

The Golden Boys – Lemon and I caught these guys last year and they kinda fucking ruled. Beer blast bingo bashing rock and roll for one and all.

Grape St. – Ex Harlem. You like that band? You need better drugs.

Great Divide – I was thinking of the brewery.

Gringo Star – Ringo Deathstarr has crazy pedals and a model. What have you got?

Guantanamo Baywatch – Campy surf trash from Portland. Get wasted and have a blast, man. You’ve earned it.

Guardian Alien – Crazy amazing experimental pysch world percussive concussion half structured freakout provided by the grand arbiters of manic genius, Thrill Jockey.

Gypsyhawk – The New Wave of British Heavy Metal (NWOBHM) as opined by a pack of errant mustache rides from Pasadena, California.

Haim – These electro poppers know damn well who the best Corey was.

Half Moon Run – Tired-eyed post rock folk melodrama. I think they’re drummer stands up. Moe Tucker rules.

Hanni El Khatib – Speed fuzz on the blues fuck racket. White Stripes choking down lethal doses of JSBX so of course Dan Auerbach is producing his shit. I bet he’ll have the prettiest audience.

The Harlequins – Scaramouche never played well in Cincinnati.

Harouki Zombi – The wife of Of Montreal and the lady Azure Ray make with the delirious bilingual dance tunes. Expect pancake makeup.

Hayden – Longtime Canadian “alternative” folk troubadour. I kinda wish he was Tom Petty.

He’s My Brother, She’s My Sister – Huh. This is pretty awesome, actually. Swinging twang bop. Moe Tucker rules.

Heartless Bastards – Yeah, yeah.

Heaven – Yeah, I can do this. Members of band coming with the fuzzy wuzzy gaze dreams straight out of Brooklyn. That name used to be intimidating.

Hector’s Pets – Denim punks play the RnR jamz.

Heliotropes – Sorta gloomy, pretty doomy female fronted stoner rock low on the biker psych end.

Hello Caller – Acoustic jangle. Dark Twain is one asshole of an album title.

Henry Wagon – Australia takes on 60s outlaw country blues and, somehow, recruits Alison Mosshart to sing along with him. What have I done today? This. I’ve fucking done this.

Hey Marseilles – The name is fun to say. The band sounds like Waterfront buskers who stole their fiddles, cellos and horns in Portland.

Hey Ocean – Poseidon has no time for your Canadian charm pop.

Hidden Music – So, like, Muslim Gauze for the Tzadik set? Or is that just Muslim Gauze?

High Highs – This is what a buzz band sounds like nowadays. I like their video with the dudes kissing in orange.

Hills Like Elephants – Their exclusion of the word “white” lets you know that they’re open minded. Either that or they got shafted by the Hemingway estate.

Hollis Brown – Some new day freedom rock business.

The Holydrug Couple – More retrofitted Chilean shit from Sacred Bones to your adolescent need to pretend that the 60s still mean something.

The Hood Internet – Is this a real fucking name of a band or a DJ or fucking whatever because, if it is, someone’s getting their clock cleaned.

Hopsin – HOLY FUCK! HIP HOP I’VE HEARD OF! Hopsin comes next in a long line of MCs who give a shit about bettering their fellow men. He also wears spooky contact lenses.

Horse Thief – Alt country ala Band of Horses but with a bit more of a nod to the folk destroyers in Maps & Atlases if that band knew how to play a song without giving me a headache.

HOTT MT – Hour Of The Time Majesty Twelve. The fuck? They played Wayne Coyne’s birthday.

The Hounds Below – This band looks like the meekest pack of “angular” hairdon’t assholes I’ve seen in a real good minute. They sound like Spotify.

Howl – I’m pretty sure someone from Daughters is or was involved in this thick shit groove metal beast but now, who’s to say? Riff it.

The Howlin’ Brothers – BLUEGRASS, BUDDY!

HRVRD – Get a vowel or get the fuck out of my house.

Humans – Hella fun electro dance pop from Vancouver.

Hundred Visions – If you’re going to hop on this garage glam wagon, you’d better be damn sure you can rake up some fun and nasty. More the former than the latter, sure but I’d totally slug a beer to this band.

Hundred Waters – This band sounds like a bad Solstice date at Sarah Lawrence. I’ve had two. Fucking freshman Wicca bullshit.

Hunters – Brooklyn fashion noise duo who would lose their champers if you called them grunge. Nick Zinner and James Iha got behind the boards for them. No way you’re getting in.

Hussle Club – You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

I am Dive – Spanish semi acoustic post pop. Pretty good. Should make mint in licensing.

IAMDYNAMITE – No. No you’re not.

Ian Moore – Yeah, man. I can dig it. Southern songwriter rock with a touch of that get hip jangle.

Icky Blossoms – A laissez-faire schizophrenia that vacillates between a narco dream of the Raveonettes and Glass Candy fuck disco.

Icona Pop – YEAHYEAHYEAH!! HIT ME WITH THE SWEDISH FUCKING MEGA DANCE POP POP POP! YEAH! Please let my descent into madness sound exactly like this.

Idiot Glee – See? Pop can be weird and catchy without devolving into dickery.

Imaginary Cities – I think my mom might like this. That’s not a bad thing. Just saying.

Immanu El – The more I listen to post rock the more I condemn its blatantly exploitative nature. Seriously, people. You can cut it the fuck out now.

Indians – Haunted and haunting acoustic fevers with trace elements of electronic experimentation. 4AD from beginning to end. Really friggin pretty.

Io Echo – One grumpy goth, one not so much (read, blond). Both pretty as fuck. Electric Vice models. I can snark all I want but this duo knows how to make something big, dark and beautiful.

Iron and Wine – You love them. I don’t.

Iron Lung – POWER! FUCKING! VIOLENCE! WITH! ELEMENTS! OF! GRINDCORE! AND! POST! HARDCORE! DDDIIIIEEEE!!!!!

Islet – Welsh psych that’s just messy enough to not be totally played or fucking infuriating.

Jackie Calhoun and Deliverance – I gotta get my mind out of the gutter, man.

Jacuzzi Boys – Slack garage with a thinning mop top.

The Jade Idol – Bluesy bar rock from your uncle’s garage.

Jake Bugg – Underaged singer songwriter slinging the sad times because that’s what teenagers do.

Jamaican Queens – Epic chaos pop following in the dust path of the Flaming Lips.

James Hunter – I don’t know fuck all about electric blues.

Japanther – I thought we burned Pratt down.

Jason Isbell – Ben’s all over this ex Trucker.

Jenny O. – Lady Americana playing a bit more beefed up this time out tapping the 70s from funk to Grand Funk but still retaining that fangled Newsome lockjaw sound.

Jenny Owen Youngs – Reminds me a little of Ida Maria except here and there a little sadder and with a serious fondness for city museums. Her song about pirates (“Pirates”) rules.

Jerome LOL – >:C

Jim James – My Morning Jacket man translates his beard’s tears.

Jimmie Dale Gilmore and Colin Gilmore – Your dad likes this.

Joey Bada$$ and Pro Era – I find the liberal usage of dollar signs in our era of popular culture to be terribly confusing because I am an old man and tweets are for kids.

John Hiatt – Why did I think this was the dude from Bad English?

Josh Ritter – Foot stomp and sing yourself right out of sad songs.

The Joy Formidable – This band fucking rules and their new album is packed full of so much fucking rock that Kwame was compelled to interrupt my date with The Shining to tell me about it.

Joywave – Okay. I believe you.

Jung People – Sigmund was so full of shit.

K-Holes – See? Now we’re getting with the dead leather freakout.

K-X-P – All I hear is “Muu Muu” only Finnish so creepy.

Keep Shelly in Athens – Being from Astoria, I’d like to support this Greek export but no.

Kelly Hogan – An accomplished singer songwriter who disappoints me by not being born of the Hulkster. I am the child of network television.

KEN Mode – Serious riffage with classical training. Mastodon sucks.

Kendrick Lamar – The whole damn internet lit the fuck up for his Good Kid M.A.A.D. City last year (Pitchfork named it the fucking BEST of 2012) so take that with as many grains as you need to brave the wait.

Kid Congo & The Pink Monkey Birds – Legend.

Kid Karate – Part dance two-piece garage blues also rans from Dublin.

Kids on a Crime Spree – HOORAY FOR SLUMBERLAND!

Kids These Days – Seven-piece hip hop ensemble with a full on live band as part of their arsenal.

Killer Mike – Few men could still write angry songs about Reagan and not sound like a washed-out punk.

Kimya Dawson – Still? Fuck you.

King Tuff – I don’t get it. No. I mean, I get it. That is, I get why YOU get it. I just think you’re wrong is all.

Kinski – KLAUS! Just kidding. Wakka Wakka. This rock band’s been in the shit for nearly fifteen years. Buy them a goddamn beer, already.

Kitten – No. See, no. You can’t name your fucking band Kitten because if you name your fucking band Kitten what you’re really fucking telling me is that your band reflects what it’s like to poop nightmares while blind. Are you blind, pooping nightmares, Kitten? ANSWER ME!

Kitty Pryde – I think it’s just Pryde now or maybe just Kitty. This is the music your blog deserves.

Kodaline – Kodaline has a sad.

Kool A.D. – Mister ex Das Racist is now a legitimate mixtape slinging MC.

Kool Thing – I miss Sonic Youth, sometimes.

Lacuna Coil – Italian Nu Metal that’s probably tired of lazy Evanescence references.

Lake Street Dive – Five bucks says one member of this Brooklyn quartet considers himself a “mixologist.”

Language Room – 90s radio rock masquerading as indie.

Las Ardillas – The drunker punker older brother of Davilla 666.

Laura Stevenson – Does anybody remember the Rocking Horse Winner? They were almost pretty great. Laura Stevenson is cute as fuck and her band, The Cans, play a charming pop Americana that should appeal to tender punks.

Le Castle Vania – Bold name, dumb hair music for white people to throw their hands up in the air like they won’t be the first against the wall when the revolution finally comes.

Lean Hounds – Mellow electronic Austin indie with a damn decent falsetto.

Leif Vollebekk – This is some deliberately affected Americana soul. Ugh.

Lemolo – Drama pop from Portland. Spacey, sparkle love.

Lemuria – Kinda punky, mostly poppy totally 90s Sub Pop dream band. I actually have a huge soft spot for this band for some reason but always fucking miss them.

Leogun – Oh, heeeeell fucking no.

Leopold and His Fiction – Greasy throwback freedom rock.

Les RAV – Berklee grads sound like Berklee grads.

Less than Jake – Do people still listen to skapunk? I mean, I’m not gonna lie. “How’s My Driving, Doug Hastings?” gets in my head just about every damn day but I’m not exactly proud of that.

Letting Up Despite Great Faults – No.

A Life Once Lost – CHUGGACHUGGAPHILLYUHNRAAAWWRRRR!!

The Lighthouse and the Whaler – No more bands about Moby Dick.

Lil’ Debbie and Durk and Mouse and Reese and TExAS and O – One of these artists is not an MC.

The Limousines – I forgot all about the term “indietronica.” This is that, hook and beat.

Lionize – I’m not so much of a fan of the 70s stoner rock resurgence that’s forsaken gas-huffing for groove but, you know…hey.

Lisa Germano – Despite the fact that Ms. Germano’s been playing music, professionally, for over twenty years I have no idea what she sounds like. Isn’t she Tammy Faye Starlight?

Lissie – Rock and roll girl with a ballsy set of blues pipes. Nice.

Lite – Instrumental Japanese math rock dude noodles equates to maximum Tejas radness.

Little Green Cars – This is the band you and your friends totally started at theater camp only Irish and, you know, good.

The Little Ones – All smiles color wheel pop.

The Littlest Viking – Yes. Absofuckinglutely yes.

Livids – 4/4 garage drunk punk of the Ramones variety.

Local Natives – People fucking love this band.

Lord Huron – Paul Simon daydreaming palm trees one sunrise in the Mojave Desert.

Los Claxons – Isn’t this another band?

Los Lonely Boys – Sure. Why not?

Love as Laughter – I still think I’ve seen them. That still doesn’t matter.

Love Inks – Easy love songs for the last train home. Beach House would be better if they sounded more like this.

Lovelife – The band on Three One G was sooooo much fucking better than this electronic wankery.

The Lovely Bad Things – Catchy as all fuck Pixies punk. Girl singer and a sometimes screamer. This shit rules.

Lucius – Sometimes electronic doo wopish, sometimes totally devastating, other times straight North American country always rolling under the tremendous prowess of two ladies named Jess and Holly. Love.

Mac DeMarco – If Tonetta decided Chicago would sound better as post punk, the world would be a truly terrifying place to live.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – I honestly don’t know too much about these cats except for that wonderfully necessary “Same Love” track but that’s enough for me.

Madras – Unwed Sailor takes a siesta and sings something lonely in his sleep.

Major Lazer – Diplo sanctioned fucking madness.

Manic Sheep – Taiwanese dream pop haze.

Marijuana Deathsquads – Noise party hip hop squad.

Marnie Stern – Shredding the fuck out of some maximum hammer licks, Marnie Stern is pretty much the cream dream of indie nerds who loathe Ms. Sevigny’s new turn to glamour. Nice hooks, too.

Maserati – You like Trans Am, right?

Masked Intruder – I’m actually a little shocked that people still make music like this. Fat Wreck SUCKS!

Massive Scar Era – Fuck it. I want a t-shirt.

Master Shortie – UK hip hop with Brit pop samples.

Matt Pryor – The dude from the Get Up Kids, lonely and acoustic (probably).

Max Gomez – He gave his love a cherry that had no stones, then Bluto fucked her.

Maximum Hedrum – I never did the right drugs for this kind of shit.

MC Lars – Evidently a “post-punk laptop rap” ode to Edgar Allen Poe makes me want to kick your baby in the dick.

Meat Market – I really hope this band doesn’t forget their Delta Tau Chi roots.

Meat Puppets – Come to think of it, I don’t actually know anyone (except for Kurt Cobain) who actually likes the Meat Puppets which is a shame because without Meat Puppets II you wouldn’t have half the shit for bored ex-suburban white kids to do.

Merchandise – I fucking hate how much I love this band but I do and so should your bloated eyeliner heart.

Metz – This band is decidedly good but their flying of the proverbial flannel isn’t nearly as magical as so many would have you believe.

Mike Love – Nope. Not him.

The Milk Carton Kids – This is the band that happens when you leave NPR on all day.

Miracles of Modern Science – I was trying to think of something cutting to say about Andrew Bird but then the drums kicked in and all the stringy intellectuals seemed suddenly okay.

Mitzi – Some Brisbane band stole my true love’s stage name and turned it into synthy crap.

MMOSS – Yet another band dear, sweet Lemon didn’t see last year.

MØ – GRIMES IS DEAD!

Molotov – Rap rock from Mexico City. Do what thou wilt.

Mompox – Argentinian goofball super pop good, good times.

Mondo Generator – Do any of you actually listen to this band? No. You don’t. You listen to Queens of the Stone Age.

Mood Rings – I’m gonna need a refill on my bag of dicks.

The Mornings – Japan is fucking batshit and I love it but not in that dreadful “we had a layover in Kyoto and now you can’t wear shoes in our house” kind of way.

Mr. Motherfuckin’ eXquire – He’s basically the new Kool Keith.

MS MR – As heard in the Game of Thrones, Season 3 trailer. For reals, though.

The Mullens – Tambourine rock. Clap your hands.

Murder by Death – Desert smoke for whiskey soldiers. I’m really glad this band is finally getting some attention.

Mutilation Rites – roar.

My Education – Oooh, yeah. I can do this. Moody Southern post rock out the bottle and up in them guts.

My Jerusalem – Waaaay more Nick Cave than I expected. All right, then.

Mystic Knights of the Cobra – Blurring the fine line between awesome and unfettered bullshit, Mystic Knights of the Cobra features Lady Cobra who brought “hip hop” to the bloated horror of Green Day’s recent musical triptych and reminds me of everything about Southern California I will never call home again.

Naomi Punk – Blasted amps and swallowed vocals on the Olympia fashion tip.

The Neighbourhood – I could see this band every time they played SXSW and still not remember what the fuck they sound like. I won’t though.

Nerves Junior – Moody electrons scrape a Kentucky shudder. It’s good but not an everyday occurrence.

New Madrid – Space folk and Jimmy Buffet country. Huh. That’s a real fucking thing, isn’t it?

New Politics – Guilty pleasure gym jams. Once Danish.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Get the fuck out of here with that. Nick Cave. WHERE’S BLIXA?!? Ima make that into a t-shirt.

Nicolas Jaar – Wait. Is this experimental space drone or dance music? Is there more than one Mr. Jaar?

The Night Beats – The first time I did acid, I made everyone listen to Slayer.

Nik Turner – IS FUCKING PLAYING SPACE RITUAL IN IT’S ENTIRETY!

No Brain – Korean once Rancid rock who got really into The Hives? Fuck, man. I don’t know.

NO CEREMONY /// – Almost creepy awesome but too damn Manchester to skirt the innate danceability of electronic music.

Nobunny – Burger trash rock from the man in the mask in tightie whities who, sadly, is not Har Mar Superstar but knows how to get a good thing going.

Norma Jean – RRAARARARGGSGSDGSDGHHHFSDFSDDDSSPPTT!

North Mississippi Allstars – I always think this is the Sublime survived by band. Some white hat can (and will) assuredly tell me different.

Nu Sensae – I thought they were boring as fuck live but their records totally slay.



4 Responses about “SXSW (not so) Short List: G-N”

  • Anna says:

    Your comments regarding Lady Cobra of Mystic Knights of the Cobra and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day are 100 percent false, cpletely irresponsible and beyond uncool. Spewing lies and gossip is dangerous and affects people personally – families, children, partners. Lady Cobra is a long time family friend of the Armstrong family, a neighborhood girl with a lot of class, talent and grace. Her relationship with Billie Joe and the entire Green Day family is based on mutual respect both personally and professionally. Shame on you for resorting to such scumbag tactics.

  • Charles says:

    Anna,
    Admittedly, my comments regarding the Lady Cobra/Billie Joe Armstrong illicit connection are complete and utter hearsay based almost exclusively on article I once read on Cracked.
    You can find that here:
    http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/does-green-day-have-yoko-ono-problem/
    Comedy writers, of course, are not venerable sources of ultimate truths (and they willingly concede to their own conjecture) so to remedy my “uncool” iterations, I have amended my statements regarding Mystic Knights of the Cobra to reflect a statement regarding Ms. Cobra (Mrs?) that I will gladly stand behind.
    Also, I would beg to differ with you regarding the “class, talent and grace” of a someone who would release a single called “Text Messaging Slut” seeing as that track is classless, graceless and almost wholly devoid of any exhibit of what I might even casually consider talent in a hopelessly drunken stupor.
    Those are just my “scumbag” opinions, however and I appreciate you taking the opportunity to express your own.
    Best.
    Charles

  • Anna says:

    Thanks Charles. Not too many people get the Mystic Knights of the Cobra nor the personas and characters the members play. I know them as their non Cobra personalities so my comments about Lady are more personal then related to the band. In any case, thanks for your response and good luck in life.

  • Charles says:

    My pleasure. Honestly, I (and we at Pinpoint) appreciate the discoure. I understand that, particularly in summations as brief as this, there are deeper efforts at work that we may glaze over but we certainly don’t endeavor to do anyone any personal harm. As such, I imagine that the Mystic Knights of the Cobra are probably great people to sit back and have a beer with (or a tea or a sandwich) but their stage personae and musical output are just not something that agrees with my sensibilities. Good luck to you, as well.
    Rockit.
    Charles