Jaguar Love – Hologram Jams Jaguar Love – Hologram Jams

Jaguar Love – Hologram Jams

Jaguar Love – Hologram Jams

Man, this record is fucking stupid; and that really pisses me off because when I first threw it on I was thoroughly behind it, despite my reasonable opposition to all things aping-hipshit-disco, no matter how tight the ironic slackjaw, or (groans) talented the performers; laboring under the delusion that what the world needs now is more spoiled white kids doing the Ally Sheedy Shake and Shimmy.

Not as a blind exercise in high school liberation, but a blatant message to the wallflowers.

Get neon or go home.

Fuckers.

Because I love fun. I do. And when I first heard the drum machine stand-in for Jay Clark’s genuine ability I figured, if nothing else, this record would be great for cleaning and for the first seven tracks it is. Easy. Vapid. Uptempo acts of self-reference propelling songs about death and sugar soda made only marginally memorable by Johnny Whitney’s routine.

A tone-deaf cokehead hiding her autism from a skinned cat trying to escape a raging pyre of Brion Gysin’s memoirs.

Cody Votolato’s still in the band too. Though his virtuosity is pretty much swallowed whole by the keys and vanity.

Again, that’s fine. Disappointing, but fine. Fun. Pop. Weird. Shriek. Scrub. Whatever. I don’t have time for innovation anyway. Shit needs to get done and I need mindless propulsion to do it.

Then there’s “Evaline” and suddenly we are flooded in suck. All right, that’s a bit unfair. “Evaline” is more a sad sack single than it is a travesty but it is the watershed for the indulgent tween balladeering shitstorm of “Sad Parade” which is so bad I have to only assume it’s parody.

But parody doesn’t explain “A Prostitute, An Angel”. This song is so fucking inexcusable I have trouble acknowledging that it even exists. You know what? Fuck it. It doesn’t. Not anymore. I’m cutting it off. Striking it from the record of the collective consciousness. It never happened. It never has to again.

Just forget I even mentioned it.

Jaguar Love is negated.

Jaguar Love - Hologram Jams , reviewed by Charles on 2010-03-12T11:28:15+00:00 rating 1.2 out of 5



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