Hollywood Undead – Swan Songs

Hollywood Undead - Swan Songs

Undead! Better get up out the way! ‘Cause there’s a cloud of bullshit rolling through today…and it’s called Hollywood Undead. This talentless group of wannabe-gangsters and not-so-bad asses are pursuing the entirely unoriginal idea of blending rock and rap with a little hint of punk. I have no qualms with this type of music because it has potential to be creative, original and badass (Rage Against The Machine), but it can also be intensely irritating when it tries to be hardcore and mainstream at the same time (Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park) and becomes even more irritating when, despite its simplicity and utter stupidity, it manages to be catchy enough to radio play. At this point it goes beyond irritating and becomes downright outrageous to imagine these no-talent ass clowns making money while true artists struggle.

“Let’s get this party started
Let’s keep them 40′s poppin
So just get buzzed and stay fucked up
We’ll keep them panties droppin”

“I’ll beat the meat like I’m a fuckin’ butcher
I’ll punk the pussy like I’m Ashton Kutcher”

These are just a few examples of the half-assed rhymes vomited by Hollywood Undead on their debut (and hopefully final) album Swan Songs, but it pretty much covers the extent of their values – getting fucked up and being an idiot – at least they practice what they preach. There is also a significant amount of bitching about ‘haters’ and people who try to keep them down, but they make sure to scream their complaints as if to use anger to hide their gaping vaginas. A quick word of advice to Hollywood Undead: If you can’t deal with haters, stop trying to be famous…also stop sucking. One could consider me a hater because I really, truly, deeply despise this music and all that it represents with every fiber of my soul, but I wouldn’t be able to hate it if Hollywood Undead hadn’t managed to get on the radio. I’m not sure if that says good things about the band or bad things about the radio…I’m leaning towards the latter.
I do have to give the band credit for their ability to create and market their image. Shamelessly ripping off Slipknot by wearing masks was probably a good move in order to build an air of mystery…and to keep from getting spit on in the street. Also selling the idea that being drunk, acting stupid and calling women bitches makes you hard is highly marketable amongst young, insecure boys desperately seeking something to make their dick feel bigger – a market that Hollywood Undead is clearly in touch with. It saddens me that the amazing power of music can be abused, diluted and mutated to the point of an absolute abomination that literally spreads a cloud of shit across society and the music industry, single-handedly defacing what is possibly the most positive creation of humanity.
Because I am actually listening to the album while I write this review, I have to stop. I can literally feel myself getting more stupid and less attractive to the opposite sex just by listening to it. But enough talking shit. I was always taught that if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all…but these guys really, really suck ass.